Hate That I Love You
by MerDerluver430
Summary: Derek picks Addison, they move back to New York in order to fix things. Addison get called back for a case and Derek comes along. Will be Mer/Der
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy, or any characters on the show only the ones I come up with!!!

Summary: Derek picks Addison him and Addison move back to New York, what if Derek is leaving more then one thing behind?

**"Hate That I Love You"**  
Rihanna FT Ne-Yp

_[Rihanna:]_  
That's how much I love you  
That's how much I need you  
And I can't stand you  
Must everything you do make me wanna smile  
Can I not like you for awhile? (No....)

_[Ne-Yo:]_  
But you won't let me  
You upset me girl  
And then you kiss my lips  
All of a sudden I forget (that I was upset)  
Can't remember what you did

_[Rihanna:]_  
But I hate it...  
You know exactly what to do  
So that I can't stay mad at you  
For too long that's wrong

_[Ne-Yo:]_  
But I hate it...  
You know exactly how to touch  
So that I don't want to fuss.. and fight no more  
Said I despise that I adore you

_[Rihanna:]_  
And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah...)  
I can't stand how much I need you (I need you...)  
And I hate how much I love you boy (oh whoa..)  
But I just can't let you go  
And I hate that I love you so (oh..)

_[Ne-Yo:]_  
You completely know the power that you have  
The only one makes me laugh

_[Rihanna:]_  
Said it's not fair  
How you take advantage of the fact  
That I... love you beyond the reason why  
And it just ain't right

_[Ne-Yo:]_  
And I hate how much I love you girl  
I can't stand how much I need you (yeah..)  
And I hate how much I love you girl  
But I just can't let you go  
But I hate that I love you so

_[Both:]_  
One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me  
And your kiss won't make me weak  
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me  
So you'll probably always have a spell on me...

_[Ne-Yo:]_  
Yeah... Oh...

_[Rihanna:]_  
That's how much I love you (as much as I need you)  
That's how much I need you (oh..)  
That's how much I love you (oh..)  
As much as I need you

_[Rihanna:]_  
And I hate that I love you so  
And I hate how much I love you boy  
I can't stand how much I need you (can't stand how much I need you)  
And I hate how much I love you boy  
But I just can't let you go (but I just can't let you go no..)  
And I hate that I love you so

And I hate that I love you so.. so...

_You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true._

"_Oh your staying with her"_

"_She's my wife"_

It has been 1 months since the love of her life, the brainless brain man, Dr. Derek "McDreamy" Shepard picked his wife and it has been 3weeks since that same man moved all the way across the country leaving her here broken and the flu.

Meredith was sitting in her bathroom leaning over the toilet for the 10th time that day. Today was her only day off in a month and she has spent the whole day laying on the bathroom floor puking her guts out.

She doesn't know how long she has been laying on the ground but all of the sudden she hears the bathroom door bust open.

"Get your god dam ass off the floor"

"Ughhhh, go away"

"I will not go away" Christinia walked over to meredith and sat down besides her

"Mer, are you sure your not.-"

"No I am NOT pregnant, that stupid brainless brain surgeon didn't get my pregnant, I just have the flu"

"The flu doesn't last a month Mer"

"I'm not pregnant"

"Then you won't mind taking a test, if your SO sure your NOT pregnant"

"I'm not!!"

"Then take the test"

"Ugh fine! Just to prove you wrong, I'm NOT pregnant"

Meredith walks over to the toilet and pees on the test to prove christinia wrong, she places the stick on the sink and lays back down to the floor.

_5 minutes later_

"Its been 5 minutes"

"I know, you check"

Christinia goes to the sink and picks up the test. She walks back over to Meredith and hands her the test

"- This can't be right"

"Wellit says your pregnant"

"No I can't be"

"Of course you can be you and Derek did it like bunnies"

"UGHHH…men and there stupid boy penises"

"Come on, lets go to the hospital and make sure"

Christinia helps Mer up. She goes and gets changed and meets Chris at the car


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for all the nice reviews!!! Please review every chapter. Let me know if you want me to continue writing. I know this update was fast but they all won't be like this…Softball is starting soon…I'll update as much as possible**

**Note the italics are flashbacks**

**Disclaimer: I do not own grey's anatomy if I did it would be on every day!!**

Meredith was sitting in the passenger seat of the car while Christina drove. She was thinking of the night Meredith and Derek met.

_JOE: Straight Tequila? Really? You are going to be sorry in the morning._

MEREDITH: I'm always sorry in the morning. But tomorrow I start my first day at work, so keep them coming.

DEREK: (_to Joe__) How you doing? Double scotch, single malt please. (__to Meredith__) So is this a good place to hang out?_

MEREDITH: I wouldn't know, I've never been here before.

DEREK: Oh well you know what, I haven't either. First time in town. I'm new in town. First time in Seattle. I got a job so... Ah you're ignoring me.

MEREDITH: I'm trying to.

DEREK: You shouldn't ignore me.

MEREDITH: Why not?

DEREK: Because I'm someone you need to get to know to love.

MEREDITH: So if I know you, I'll love you?

DEREK: Oh yes.

MEREDITH: You really like yourself, huh?

DEREK: Just hiding my pain. So what's your story?

MEREDITH: I don't have a story. I'm just a girl in a bar.  
_  
__DEREK: I'm just a guy in a bar._

"Mer-Mer-Meredith" Christina screamed

"What?"

"Were here"

Meredith took a deep breath "Ok let's go"

Meredith and Christina walked into the hospital; they managed to get into an exam room without anyone seeing them. Christina drew Meredith's blood.

"I'll send this to the lab as a Jane Doe and I'll make them rush it"

"Thanks Chris" Mere said in a low voice

After they were done Mere and Chris met the rest of the interns in the cafeteria

"What are you guys doing here?" Izzie asked

"We just thought we would come and have lunch" Meredith replied

"How you feeling Mere?" George asked clueless

"-Um.. better thanks"

Alex, Izzie, and George's pagers all went of

"It's the pit, see you guys later" Alex said

The 3 interns got up and hurried off towards the pit. Meredith and Christina finished lunch and went to watch a surgury of the new Neuro attending Dr. Corday

"He's not bad looking" Christina explained

"Uh huh sure"

Just as Christina was going to say something her pager went off Meredith's head shot up like a rocket

"It's the lab guy"

"Oh Ok, let's go"

Meredith and Christina head to the lab when the reach it they get the lab results and walk into the intern locker room

"I can't look you read them" Meredith exclaimed chewing her bottom lip

"Ok" Christina took the paper and read it over "Well it looks like McDreamy managed to screw your life up yet again"

Meredith grabbed the papers out of Christinas hand and read them over "No, No I can't be right no!" Mer whispered

"Mere are you Ok" Christina asked her person

"I don't know" Mere whispered

"So what are you going to do now?" Christina asked in a Christina like manner

"I don't know" Mere answered honestly

They were a couple minutes of silence until Meredith finally spoke up

"Ca-Can-Can you do an ultra sound" Meredith asked Christina

Christina shook her head yes "Sure Mere, come on I'll do it now" Christina said showing a side of her no one sees

They walked to the exam room

"Ok Mere lay down and I will do the ultra sound"

Meredith lays down and closed her eyes

"Ok you know the drill this is going to be cold"

Meredith nodded. Christina started the ultra sound and looked at it carefully.

"Ok, it looks like you are about 2 months pregnant"

Meredith took a deep breath and nodded. "Can you tell what it is?"

"Ahh... it's a boy"

Meredith started crying "Oh my god, what am I going to do, I can't be a single mom, but this is mine and Derek's baby" Meredith rambled

"Mere Calm down"

"I-I can't get rid of him"

"I know Mere, I know"

Christina printed a picture of the baby and handed it to Meredith "Come on Mere I'll take you home"

Meredith shook her head yes and they both headed back to Christina's car and headed home.

**Please review and let me know if you want me to continue writing!!!**


	3. Chapter 3 Part 1

**Thanks for all the reviews!! Some of this information isn't the most accurate but it's to make the story better! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy sadly :(**

**Part 1**

Meredith finally got it in her mind that she was pregnant with Derek's baby. She decided that she was going to keep him no matter what. Meredith tried calling Derek several time but each time she got the message his phone wasn't in service anymore. She told her friends and there were all happy for her and wanting to kill Derek, but they were always there for her, no matter what time it was.

Meredith has told the chief and every since has been acting all protective of her. Always telling her to relax and eat something, she might be annoyed but she appreciates it. Adele has even been coming over once a week to help Meredith get ready for the baby.

Meredith is 25 weeks pregnant. She is in surgery with the chief.

"Ohh" Meredith grabbed her stomach

"Meredith-Meredith are you okay" the chief had a worried looked on this face

Meredith shook her head no "I-I owww"

"Someone page Bailey and the attending OB on call NOW!" Richard yelled

Everyone in the OR starts rushing around.

Bailey comes running in

"Chief what's the matter" she says turning to Meredith "Meredith?"

"Bailey can-can you finish for me I-"

"Of course chief" Bailey goes and scrubs in quickly. The Chief takes off this gloves and goes over to Meredith. Meredith is now sobbing uncontrollably.

The chief helps Mere into the wheelchair and wheels her to the scrub room "Thanks again Bailey"

"No problem Chief, keep us updated" she says to the Chief "Stay strong Mere everything is going to be okay"

Meredith shakes her head no and Bailey walks into the OR. The Chief gets down to Meredith's level "Meredith, hey everything going to be Ok"

Meredith shakes her head no "It-It's too early, no he can't come he won't make it"

The chief embraces Meredith into a hug and rubbed her back "Shh it's going to be okay I'll be here the whole time"

Meredith shook her head ok still sobbing. The chief rolled her up to OB and got her settled into bed and called Cristina to bring her clothes. "Do you need anything Mere?"

"Ca-Can you call Adele I want her here" Meredith asked getting choked up again

The chief shook his head yes. "I'll be right back ok"

While the Chief was out calling Adele her doctor, Dr. Koburn walked in

"Meredith how are you doing, I wasn't expecting to be seeing you this early"

Meredith smiled sadly. "Yea" she whispered

"I'm sorry to tell you but you are too far along to stop the contractions"

Meredith started to sob again just as the Chief walked in. Dr. Koburn explained everything to the Chief and left again.

"Adele is on her way Mere" The chief embraced Meredith into a hug and started rubbing her back "Shh it's ok, he will be fine Mere, shh just calm down"

After about 10 minutes Meredith fell asleep. After Mere fell asleep the chief sat in a chair by her bed side. That is where Adele found him when she walked in. "How is she doing" Richard got up and motioned to go outside of the room.

Richard ran his hands over her face "She is a mess" Richard and Adele hugged

"Is the baby going to be okay?" Adele asked

Richard hesitated "I have no idea" he said truthfully

They herd Meredith wake up in the room and walked in

"Hey Mere" Adele explained walking over to her giving her a hug

"Hi Adele thanks for coming" she spoke quietly

Adele smiled "I wouldn't want it to be any other way"

Meredith smiled

"Do you want me to call Derek?" Adele asked

"No, no please no don't" Meredith sobbed

"Shhh okay I won't calm down Mere, shhh he's not coming shh"

Meredith calmed down, and she, Adele and the chief all talked. Her friends all came to visit but they all got paged away. She continued to talk with Richard and Adele until Dr. Koburn came in a couple hours later. "Ok Mere let me check you.

The Chief got up to leave "You can stay its okay"

"You sure Mere I'll just be in the hall way"

"No stay please"

The chief walked over and took her other hand "I'm staying right here" Meredith smiled.

"Okay Meredith your fully dilated but I want to do a C-Section" Meredith looked scared

"It's okay Mere, we'll be here the whole time" Adele said

"It's best for the baby Meredith since your only at 25 weeks you won't but the baby through so much stress" Dr. Koburn explained.

"Ok, will you guys stay with me" she asked the Chief and Adele

They both smiled and said "Of course"

Meredith got prepped while Adele and Richard went to get changed for the OR

Meredith was in the OR when they both walked in.

"Hey Mere were back" Adele said

Meredith smiled

" and Cristina are scrubbing in" Richard told her

"Cristina?" Meredith asked confused

Richard smiled "Yea she threatened if we don't let her come in she was going to kick all of our asses"

Meredith laughed just as they walked in "Okay you ready Mere" Cristina asked

"As ready as I can be" she answered

"Ok mark the start time 1 minute from incision to baby"

Meredith is laying there thinking about the morning waking up to Derek

_GUY: This is…uh…_

_WOMAN: … humiliating on so many levels. You have to go._

_GUY: Why, why don't you just come back down here and we'll pick up where we left off._

_WOMAN: No seriously you have to go. I'm late which isn't what you want to be on your first day of work, so…_

_GUY (starts getting dressed): So, ah, you actually live here?_

_WOMAN: No._

_GUY: Oh._

_WOMAN: Yes. Kind of. _

_GUY: Oh. It's nice. A little dusty. Odd. But it's nice. Huh. So how do you kinda live here?_

_WOMAN: I moved 2 weeks ago from Boston. It was my mother's house. I'm selling it. _

_GUY: Oh I'm sorry._

_WOMAN: For what?_

_GUY: You said was._

_WOMAN: Oh my mother's not dead. She's … you know what? We don't have to do the thing. _

_GUY: Oh. We can do anything you want._

_WOMAN: No the thing. Exchange the details, pretend we care. Look I'm going to go upstairs and take a shower. Okay and when I get back down here, you won't be here. So … um … goodbye … uh …_

_DEREK: Derek._

_MEREDITH: Derek. Right, Meredith. _

_DEREK (grinning): Meredith._

_MEREDITH (smiling): Yeah. Mmm hmm._

_DEREK: Nice meeting you._

_MEREDITH: Bye Derek._

Meredith snapped out of her trans when she heard someone say "Okay the babies out"

"Why isn't he crying?" Meredith asked starting to cry

The chief go up and went to help with the baby

"Richard what's happening" Meredith asked

"Were putting in a breathing tube"

"Oh god no" Meredith started to sob

"Shh Mere it okay" Adele told her

"We taking him to the NICU Mere" Cristina said rolling the baby bay, Meredith caught a glimpse of him and shook her head okay

"Richard stay with him please" Meredith asked

Richard shook his head "Of course I'll see you back in his room"

"Take care of my baby boy please" she said quietly


	4. Chapter 3 Part 2

**Thanks for all the reviews. I hope your still enjoying this story :)**

**Disclaimer: I sadly do not own Grey's Anatomy if I did McDreamy and McSteamy would never have shirts own :)**

**PART 2**

When Meredith woke up she was in her room and all of her friends were in there. They all smiled when they saw she was up

"Hey Mere" they all said

Meredith smiled "Hi" she whispered. Meredith looked around, "Where-Where is he?" just then Dr. Koburn walked in

"Meredith you son is in critical but stable condition" she pauses "We had to put a breathing tube in to help him breathe, also we are giving him medicine to make his lungs mature, he weights 1lb 9oz"

"Oh god" Meredith starts crying Adele walks over to her. All of a sudden all the interns pagers go off.

"We'll be back later Mere" Izzie says and they all walk out

"Is-Is he going to be alright?" Meredith asked quietly

Dr. Koburn hesitated and took Meredith's hand. "We are doing everything we can for him, the Chief has everyone running in circles" they all let out a small laugh

"When can I see him?" she asked

"When every your ready, but Meredith, you need to prepare yourself, he has tape over his eyes, he is no bigger then your hand and he has a lot of tubes coming out of him" Dr. Koburn explained

Meredith shook her head ok "I want to see my son"

"Ok I'll go get a wheel chair" Dr. Koburn leaves

When she leaves the room Meredith looks at Adele "Can you come in with me?"

Adele gives her a smile "Of course honey"

Dr. Koburn comes back in with a wheel chair and Meredith gets in it. Adele rolls Meredith to the NICU.

"Ok you ready Meredith" Adele asked

She shakes her head yes "let's go"

They walk in and Richard goes over and gives Mere a kiss on the cheek. She goes over to where it says baby Grey.

"Oh my god" Meredith put her hand up to the crib where he is. She starts to cry. Richard walks over and puts a hand on her shoulder. "He's a fighter Mere he's going to be OK" Richard explained

Meredith didn't do anything she just stared at the little baby that came out of her just 3 hours ago.

After sitting there for an hour a nurse came up to her "Dr. Grey, have you picker out a name for him?"

Meredith looked up and shook her head yes "Michael Richard Sheppard"

The nurses eyes got wide but she hid I quickly "OK we'll but that on the birth certificate"

Meredith just shook her head Ok and gave the nurse a weak smile "Thank you"

The nurse smiled and walked away but before she did she said "If you need anything, anything at all just ask"

Meredith smiled appreciatively "Thank you"

After sitting in the NICU for about 3 hours Meredith went back to her room and slept. Along in the Nursery Michael's stomach started to extend.

Richard was the first to notice this and pager Dr. Koburn. She came running in and examed him

"HE has a purfed bowel he needs surgery"

Richard started to panic, "no no one here is doing it I'm getting the best"

Richard sent Adele to get Meredith when they were here Richard explained everything to her

Meredith started to cry

"Meredith listen to me, he is going to be okay. Do you want me to get Addison for the surgery?" Richard asked

Meredith hesitated then said "Yes, Yes please" she sobbed

Richard went into action "SOMEONE GET ME A PHONE" he yelled

When Richard got a phone he dialed Addison's number

"Addison?" Richard asked

"Richard is that you?" she asked

You could hear Derek in the background "addison were not done talking about this"

"Addison oh god good thing I got you I need you out her now"

Addison was confused "Richard calm down, what's the matter?"

"25 week preemie, purfed bowel I need you for the surgery"

"Can't you get someone there to do it" she had no interest going back to Seattle because she knew Derek would want to go.

"Addison! It's- its Meredith's son"

Addison froze at those words.

**So I hope you enjoyed the chapter!!! I know it's short; there will be an update either tonight or tomorrow!!**

**PLEASE REVIEW!!!!**


	5. Chapter 4

**Okay I am writing this chapter while watching Secret life and Make it or Break it!! Thanks for all the GREAT reviews!!! Hope you enjoy this chapter. Please review :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's sadly :(**

"_Addison?" Richard asked_

"_Richard is that you?" she asked_

_You could hear Derek in the background "addison were not done talking about this"_

"_Addison oh god good thing I got you I need you out her now"_

_Addison was confused "Richard calm down, what's the matter?"_

"_25 week preemie, purfed bowel I need you for the surgery"_

"_Can't you get someone there to do it" she had no interest going back to Seattle because she knew Derek would want to go._

"_Addison! It's- its Meredith's son"_

_Addison froze at those words._

"WHAT!?" addison yelled

"Addison you herd me, please Addison I need you, you're the only one I trust to operate on my grandson" Richard pleaded

At this point Derek was standing next to Addison and herd him say "grandson." Derek was confused he never had any kids. Derek snapped out of this thoughts when her herd Addison say "I'll be right out Richard."

"I'm going with you" Derek demanded

Addison looked paniced "No No your not, you just want to see Meredith"

"No I want to see Burke, and Richard, and be there for him during this hard time" and Meredith Derek thought but he would never tell Addison

"Derek of course you want to see Meredith you have been mopping around here since the time we re turned. The only time I've seen you smile is when you were talking to your mom about Meredith and Seattle" Addison explained

"What do you want me to say? I miss Meredith? I wanna be in Seattle and not in New York? YES I want all of that but I'm still here with you trying to make this marriage work" Derek yelled

"I didn't force you to come here"

"No you only said either we move back to New York to make it work" Derek walked away and yelled back "I'm going to pack, and I don't what you say"

"Ugh… what ever Derek"

_**Back in Seattle**_

Richard walked into Meredith's room and sat down on her bed, Meredith was faced the other way cyring quietly. Richard put his hand on her shoulder

"I talked to Addison she said she will come. She is coming on the chopper"

Meredith just shook her head okay.

"I'm going to go sit with Michael okay"

"Okay keep me updated"

Richard walked out of the room and eventually fell asleep.

_**5 hours later**_

Richard was sitting in the nursury when Addison ran in.

"Oh god Addison thank god you here" Richard got up and gave her a hug

"It's no problem" Addison faked smiled. Addison walked over to where it said Baby Grey. She looked down at the little baby who had more tubed and IV's in him then anyone would want. She examed his belly

"Book an OR right away, I'll go talk to the mother" Addison took a deep breathe as she walked out of the nursury. She went and changed into scrubs and then walked to the room number that Richard had given her.

She knocked on the door and heared someone say "come in." When she walked in she saw Adele and Meredith sitting talking, she put a fake smile on and continued in.

"Adele it's good to see you again"

"You to Addison" Adele said with a fake smile

"Meredith, I have the papers you need to sign. You know the procedure. I'll go in and remove all the dead bowel and get out as fast as I can" Addison explained while Meredith signed the papers

Meredith shook her head okay and looked up "I really appriciate this Addison, you didn't have to do this" she said genuinly

"Of course I had to," Addison said with a fake smile. Addison walked out and went to the OR and started scrubbing in. She watched as they wheeled the baby in. She saw the chief walk in and then out, and assumed was going to the gallary. Addison walked out of the scrub room and into the OR she looked up and saw the Chief and a bunch of people she recognized from arounf the hospital. She took a deep breathe started the surgury.

While Addison was in surgury Derek walked into the cafeteria. All the interns were sitting at a table talking and all stopped when they saw him walk in.

"Ohmygod McDouche is here" Cristina said

"What the hell is he doing back" Alex almost yelled

"Maybe he dumbed satan and wanted to come back" George said

Derek walked up to the table. "Hey guys. Um…Where is Meredith?"

All the interns looked at him like he was crazy "don't know" they all said in sync.

"Oh Okay. Well bye" Derek walked over and sat with Burke. Derek and Burke sat and talked for about 3 hours untill burke go pulled away for surgury. Derek was wandering the halls and saying hi to people he hasn't seen in a while.

In surgury Addison got all the dead bowel out there wasn't a lot and little baby Grey should be fine in the bowel idea of the situation. When Addison walked out of the scrub room and headed to inform Meredith of the surgury.

When she walked into her room all of her friends were there. As she walked in they all got quiet. All the interns gave her dirty looks and herd one of them say "it looks like satan is back"

"Okay Meredith, Michael came out of Surgury very well. I got all of the of the dead bowel out. There wasn't that much so he should be fine when it comes to his bowel. Richard asked me to stay around for a little while just in case any complication arise"

Meredith gave her a genuin smile "Thanks Addison, I really appriciate it"

Addison walked out and let out a breath she didn't think she was holding.

Derek went up to the NICU to look for Addison to tell her he is going out for drinks with Burke. He was standing outside the NICU looking at a baby. He read all the names Smith, Anderson, Miller, Grey, Whi… wait GREY.

Derek whispered 'grey, grey, meredith grey, did she have a baby?"

**Hope you enjoyed this Chapter!!! Please review. It will take me longer to update now because I have school and softball and a TON of homework….please stay with this ric. REVIEW**

**~Kels :)**


	6. Chapter 5

**I'm so sorry I haven't updated, my computer was having problems :( I had this ready yesterday but I never got a chance to put it up.!!! Enjoy :)**

_Derek went up to the NICU to look for Addison to tell her he is going out for drinks with Burke. He was standing outside the NICU looking at a baby. He read all the names Smith, Anderson, Miller, Grey, Whi… wait GREY._

_Derek whispered 'grey, grey, meredith grey, did she have a baby?"_

Derek stood there like time stopped, he kept thinking _did Meredith have a baby?._ Derek snapped out of his trance when he herd the clicks of high heels of whom he pressumed to me the only and only Addison Forbes-Montgomary-Sheppard, his wife.

"Derek? What are you doing up here I thought I was going to meet you in the lobby?"

"Oh well I was waiting for like 30 minutes so I figured I would just come and find you" Derek gave her a fake smile.

"Ok, well I have to go check on a baby in there and go update Mer-the mom…"Addison silently cursed to herself

Derel looked confused _did she just say mer?_

"I'll meet you downstairs Derek" she said trying to get his attention.

"No it's okay I'll come with you"

Addison looked panic "Derek come on it will be faster if I go by myself"

"I won't slow you down I just want to see the babies"

"Oh so you wanna see these babies but you don't want to have one with me?" Addison snapped

"Addison not here, not again. We went over this we can't bring a baby into this mess of us"

"Ugh what ever" Addison stormded off. Derek followed her.

Derek put a gown on and walked into the nursury. Derek looked at all of the babies smiling gentally at all of them. He finally got to the "Grey" baby. He smiled brightly at the baby and I baby opened his eyes briefly, he had Derek's piercing blue eyes. He stuck his hand into the hand hole and took the little babies hand and the baby latched onto Derek's finger. Derek pulled a chair over and sat down. He didn't know how long her sat there for but the next time he looked up Addison was standing over him not looking very pleased.

"You ready?" Addison all about snapped

"Yea" Derek got up and gentally took him finger out of the little guys hand. He touched the crib, took one more look, and walked out of the nursury with Addison by his side. They walked out of the hospital went to dinner, all along Derek was thinking about baby Grey.

Meredith was sitting in her room after Addison came in to tell her she was leaving for the night and would check in, in the morning. Meredith was sitting there all of her friends were paged with a big trauma, so the Chief had to go and she told Adele to go home and get some rest, that she would be fine untill tomarrow.

Meredith was thinking about Michael Richard Sheppard- her baby boy, who had a dad that had no idea about him, and how much she knew he would love him if he knew. Meredith took out a piece a paper and decided to write a letter to Derek having no idea that he is in the state, let alone in the hospital with her son. She had a hard time starting the letter but once she did she couldn't stop writing, the letter read:

_Derek Sheppard _

_Mt. Sinai 1425 Maddison Avenue_

_New York, NY 10029_

_Hi Derek it's Meredith, I know you probably are shocked that I wrote you a letter, because well I am the queen og avoidance and that is exactly what I'm doing by saying that. OK well let me get to my point of why I'm writing this letter. But first if this are Great between you and Addison then I wish you the best of luck and STOP reading what I'm going to say. You probably are going to ignore that because well your you and yea, but im seriouse stop reading if things are good. Ok so my point to this letter is to tell you that….You have a son, Michael Richard Sheppard and yes he's yours i did the math. I remember you saying that you wanted to name your son after your dad and well since I never had a dad (or that's what I say) I wanted to name him after your dad. Michael Richard Sheppard was born March 3__rd__ at 4:37am by C-Section. He was born at only 25weeks, he has needed a bowle resection that um.. well addison did. So yea. His middle nam is Richard because I was in surgury with Richard when I started having contractions and Richard has been like a dad to me since I told him about being pregnant. Richard and Adele where at my side in the delivery room so I wasn't by myself. Cristina delivered Michael, she threatened to hurt the chief if he didn't let her in there, that's cristina for you. Well anyway I tried calling you but I guesse you Changed your number of something, and I herd this is where you were working so I'm sending to the hospital. If things are good between you and Addison and you read this well shame on you, and you can just go on being happy with your life and forget this ever came. I don't need your help I have my friends Richard and Adele, so you go live your happy life with Addison. I have put a picture of Michael in her with this letter but I want to tell you that brace yourself, he has many tubes coming out of him. Derek I wish you the best of luck in life, I am not keeping him from you he will know about out, who you are, whqat you look like, but I can't let Addison be his step-mom, I just, I can't I know it's wrong but I just can't. I love you Derek and I always will_

_Yours Truly,_

_Meredith3_

By the time Meredith was done writing this she had tears streaming down his face. It took her a couple hourse to write this letter. She was exhausted so she layed down thinking about all the things that coul turn out from that one simple letter. She fell asleep thinking about it. A couple hours have pasted and Meredith woke up. It was about 11 o'clock at night and she was bored. Meredith but on her robe and walked down to the NICU where Michael was. She walking in, but a gown on and sat in the rocking chair that she pulled over to sit next to Michael, little did she know she was sitting in the same position that Derek was sitting in onlt hourse before.

After dinner Derek and Addison went home. Addison fell asleep immediately, but Derek couldn't, he was still thinking about baby Grey. On a whim he jumped out of bed, got dressed and headed to the hospital, for what? He didn't know

**Cliffthanger AGAIN!!!! Sorry guys!! I hope you enjoyed this update. Things will get better I can't tell you for how long but that will!!**


	7. AN

A/N

Ok I am writing this to see if people are still interested in this story. Last Chapter I didn't get very many reviews so I was a little discouraged. Please let me know if you still want me to update.

Also i apologize for the lack of updates. I have made the school softball team, so that has put me up to 3 different softball team. It is spring break now so I will try to update as much as possible.

I am starting a new update now. I have a funeral tomorrow so I'll try and get it up before then but if not it will be up on Tuesday.

Please tell me if you want me to continue.


	8. Chapter 6

**OK so here is the update. Sorry it has taken so long, I've been really busy between the end of the marking period, softball, and basketball when every I had a nothing I would be sleeping. I'm on spring break now so I will try and update as much as I can. OK so here it goes =] Please review**

_Meredith put on her robe and walked down to the NICU where Michael was. She walking in, but a gown on and sat in the rocking chair that she pulled over to sit next to Michael, little did she know she was sitting in the same position that Derek was sitting in only hours before. _

_After dinner Derek and Addison went home. Addison fell asleep immediately, but Derek couldn't, he was still thinking about baby Grey. On a whim he jumped out of bed, got dressed and headed to the hospital, for what? He didn't know_

Derek maneuvered his way around the hospital rather easily since it was late at night and rarely anyone was there. He was now up in the NICU staring through the window at baby Grey and a woman, who he presumed was his mother sitting in front of his crib the same way he did only a few hours before. There was something so familiar about the women sitting there; it was only her back he saw, but the golden curls they were just like Meredith's, he must be fantasying now.

* * *

Meredith was sitting in the nursery staring at her son who was sleeping soundly. He had a tight hold on her finger and that she smiled at. She thought she felt a gaze on her so she looked around the nursery but no one was in there, all of the nurses were at the desk outside. She guessed she was just over reacting and let it go, but still she couldn't let it go fully.

Meredith looked up when she heard the nursery door open, she was expecting to see a nurse, or a parent but what she saw she was never expecting to see…DEREK. Blue clashed with green and they just stared at each other like they both have seen a ghost. Derek was the first one to speak "Meredith?"

Meredith just stared at him, her mind running in circles "Derek? What are you doing here"

Derek walked closer to her so he wouldn't wake any of the babies "Well Addison came out here, and um well, I don't know I just, I had to come"

"Oh, I mean what are you doing here at the hospital, in the nursery at…12 at night?

Derek just smirked "Couldn't sleep?"

"Seriously, I find out in the NICU at 12o'clock at night, and I'm here and all you say is I can't sleep"

"What do you want me to say."

"I want you to ask, ask questions, explain why you left, changed your number, and now back, for how long. I wantg to know how you have been" Meredith said while in tears

"Fine want me to explain, ask questions I will. I picked Addison because it was the easy thing to do rather than explain to everyone, I moved because she told me I had to, again it was easy. My life has been a living hell since I have left; a minute hasn't gone by without me thinking about you. I fight with Addison all the time because she isn't you, she doesn't smell like you, act like you, she isn't you. I hate what my life has turned into. I through myself into work because I would rather be there than at home wishing Addison was you. We fight all the time because she ISN'T you!" Derek took a break to catch his breath, he wasn't yelling he was actually whispering. He started again. "Now for the questions, I have one, a very simple one, a yes or no answer, that's all, I'm not going to be mad I just need to know."

Meredith was crying now, she just shook her head yes, so he went on.

Derek took a deep breath "Is-Is that my son?"

Meredith just stared at him crying even harder "yes-yes that's your-our son Michael Richard Sheppard."

Derek stood there, his eyes shifting to the tiny baby that stole his hear the moment he saw him, and he smiled. He looked back up at Meredith, she was sobbing. He walked over to her and enveloped her into a tight hug. She choked out "please don't be mad at me, please, I'm so sorry, I should of try harder to find you, please, please don't hate me"

Derek smiled to himself. He held her tighter and rubbed small circles on her back. "shhh, calm down Mere, I don't hate you, I could never hate you, don't blame yourself, it was my fault. Come one Mere lets go back to your room" Meredith shook her head ok. Derek picked her up and carried her back to her room that he found out from a nurse.

When they got to her room he gently laid her on the bed and pulled the covers over her. He didn't want to leave he wanted to stay with her until he died, now that he has her but he didn't want to push but when he herd her whisper "please don't go I don't want to be alone tonight, stay, please stay"

Derek smiled and kissed the top of her head, she opened her eyes and their eyes both clashed again and they just stared at each other, they didn't know how long they were like that but after an amount of time they started to lean closer, and closer to each other, eventually their lips touched and they felt that same spark that was there almost a year ago reunite again. They broke apart when they both needed oxygen. They continued to stare into each others eyes.

"Do you still want me to stay?" Derek asked his voice cracking

Meredith didn't answer right away "yes, I don't want to be alone, I want someone to hold me for one night, someone to love me just for tonight" Meredith scooted over so Derek could get in

"Mere- I have always loved and will always love you, I know I have a hell of a way to show it but, I made a mistake, a huge mistake, and I'm going to fix it, I need to fix it" Derek wrapped his arms securely around her.

"Don't do anything for me Derek, do what you want, it's your life, and I want you to be happy"

"Meredith look at me" she looked at him "As long as I'm with you I am happy, I made the biggest mistake of my life by choosing Addison and moving back to New York, I took the easy way out, I always do. But I'm done with that, I don't want to easy way I want you and our son Michael…god I have a son" Derek said the last beaming

Meredith smiled "Yes you do, god Derek I'm so sorry it's all my fault"

"Hey, Hey, Hey no it's not it's mine, do not blame yourself Meredith, it's my fault I left even when my heart and head were screaming no don't. But I don't want to talk about that anymore, I just want to hold you and forget all of the problems for just one night, one night we can pretend it's just you, me, and Michael. No Addison, no New York, no anything just the 3 of us and out love" Derek said while tightening his grip on Meredith.

"Ok, just for tonight" Meredith said while she was falling to sleep. Derek right behind her, then dreaming about nothing other than them as a family.

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I don't know it isn't one of my favorites that I have written. 10 reviews and I will put another chapter up!!! Give me some love guys!**

**~Kels v 3 =]**


	9. AN 2

Ohmygod I am so sorry about the lack of updates. I have been so busy with sports and school I have no time and when I do I am always trying to catch up on homework or I'm sleeping. And of course when I am in the mood to write my Microsoft has expired so I needed to get my rents to buy it for me again. So here I am trying to get in the mood to right an update, and just letting any readers out there (if any at all) that I did not forget about you. If any one reads my other stories I have no idea what I am doing with them but I do know I want to continue them at some point. I am counting the days until school is over (10days). Once summer starts I plan on updating more frequently.

If anyone has any ideas about the story, or anything you want me to write about review or PM me when you get a chance and I will try and work it into the story.

I hope people still want to read this story. Reviews make me want to write.

Kelsey 3 =


	10. Chapter 7

**Okay guys here finally an update. I hope I still have readers =]. It is officially summer so I'm going to try and update as much as I can.! So here it is hope you enjoy. =]**

Meredith and Derek both woke up at the same time when the herd the door knob turning. Derek hurriedly got out of the bed but not fast enough for Meredith's friends not to catch them. All 4of the interns, Bailey and Addison walked into the room. All 6 of them stood there motion less for what felt like an eternity, until Doctor Bailey said

"Okay Meredith…How are you feeling today?"

Meredith whispered "Fine" She then looked at Derek and Derek gave her one of his signature smiles telling her that everything will be OK with his eyes.

Addison then stepped up. "I um.. I just checked on Michael" Meredith and Derek's head both snapped up at the same time not going unnoticed by everyone in the room. "He is doing much better, his breathing has improved greatly and is stomach is also improving, I hope to have him breathing on his own during the day by the end of this week."

Meredith's smiled lit up the room "Oh Addison I don't know how to thank you! Thank you so much, without you- well I don't wanna think about it, so just- Thank you!"

Addison forced a smile and nodded and walked out.

"I'll be back to check on you later, rest don't over do it" Bailey said, she then turned and gave Derek a hard look and left.

All of Meredith's friends walked over to her bed hesitantly. Cristina was the first to talk.

"So McDreamy knows?" she said while looking at him

"Um…yea he knows" Meredith hesitantly said

Christina looked at Derek and asked him "So what are you going to do now?"

"Christina!" Meredith hissed

Izzie finally stepped up "Okay I think it is time we get to rounds. Bye Mere I'll stop back later" she walked over and gave Meredith a hug and whispered in her ear "Follow your heart." Meredith gave her a grateful smile. George and Alex walked up and gave Meredith a hug.

Derek, who was standing in the corner of the room walked up to Meredith's bed side and sat on the edge.

"What am I going to do?" Derek looked at Meredith helplessly.

"I can't tell you what to do Derek. I don't need your help with Michael. I have my friends Adele and Richard. You can just go back to New York and your wife" Meredith was starting to tear up.

"I can't go home knowing I have a son and you in reach Meredith." Derek was also getting choked up. Meredith smiled at him and reached over to get the letter she wrote for him.

"I wrote you this letter the night after I had a c-section" she handed it to him. "Go back to your hotel anywhere and read it and make up your mind. I will be here when you make up your mind" Meredith gave him a sweet smile and sat up and gave him a light kiss on the lips and then got up and went to the nursery.

About 5 minutes after Meredith left Derek got up and left the hospital. He was going to go back to the Hotel but he didn't want to risk Addison coming home and they start to fight. All he need right now was time to think so Derek decided to go to the place that had so many good Memories his land, or well the land he use to have.

Once Derek got to the land he parked and went to the place where him and Meredith use to sit and watch the Ferry boats while the sun rised. HE sat down and fingered with the letter, he then opened it. The letter read:

_Derek Sheppard _

_Mt. Sinai 1425 Maddison Avenue_

_New York, NY 10029_

_Hi Derek it's Meredith, I know you probably are shocked that I wrote you a letter, because well I am the queen og avoidance and that is exactly what I'm doing by saying that. OK well let me get to my point of why I'm writing this letter. But first if this are Great between you and Addison then I wish you the best of luck and STOP reading what I'm going to say. You probably are going to ignore that because well your you and yea, but im seriouse stop reading if things are good. Ok so my point to this letter is to tell you that….You have a son, Michael Richard Sheppard and yes he's yours i did the math. I remember you saying that you wanted to name your son after your dad and well since I never had a dad (or that's what I say) I wanted to name him after your dad. Michael Richard Sheppard was born March 3rd at 4:37am by C-Section. He was born at only 25weeks, he has needed a bowle resection that um.. well addison did. So yea. His middle nam is Richard because I was in surgury with Richard when I started having contractions and Richard has been like a dad to me since I told him about being pregnant. Richard and Adele where at my side in the delivery room so I wasn't by myself. Cristina delivered Michael, she threatened to hurt the chief if he didn't let her in there, that's cristina for you. Well anyway I tried calling you but I guess you Changed your number of something, and I herd this is where you were working so I'm sending to the hospital. If things are good between you and Addison and you read this well shame on you, and you can just go on being happy with your life and forget this ever came. I don't need your help I have my friends Richard and Adele, so you go live your happy life with Addison. I have put a picture of Michael in her with this letter but I want to tell you that brace yourself, he has many tubes coming out of him. Derek I wish you the best of luck in life, I am not keeping him from you he will know about out, who you are, whqat you look like, but I can't let Addison be his step-mom, I just, I can't I know it's wrong but I just can't. I love you Derek and I always will_

_Yours Truly,_

_Meredith_

Once Derek was done reading it he had tears in his eyes. He knew what he had to do. He has loved Meredith since the time he laid eyes on her. There was no doubt in his mind he was making the right decision, it was the only decision he could think about doing. Him and Addison have been over since he met Meredith, he just felt like he owed his marriage the try and fix things but he was always thinking about Meredith. No one will ever match up to her, no one.

Derek got up and drove to the hospital. He had to find Addison. When he got to the hospital he went up to the NICU to see if Addison was there. After getting sterile he went into the nursery he saw Addison in the corner looking at another baby. He walked by Michael purposely and stopped right next to his crib. He smiled down at him and whispered "Hi little guy it's daddy…I know you don't know me up I love you so much" he continued until he got to Addison. She still had her back to him but he knew she knew he was there. He cleared his throat.

"Addison- um… can we talk" Derek asked

Addison turned around "Yea, let's go somewhere else"

Derek and Addison walked out of the NICU and to a conference room.

Addison talked first "Derek-"

But Derek cut her off "Let me go-" Addison nodded "Addie- I never wanted to hurt you, I will always love you but I love you like my sister, not the way a husband should love his wife."

Addison gave Derek a sad smile "I know Derek, it was just a matter of time. You're in love with Meredith not just because of Michael but you are in love with her, you look at her like she is the only women in the world you look at her like you never looked at me"

"Addison I'm sorry. I- I- I just I love her"

Addison smiled at him "I know you do, and I was foolish for trying to take you away from her" Addison reached into her bag she had with her. "Here's the divorce papers I had them drawn up right before we left, I knew you weren't going home, well at least not with me. I already signed them this morning after I saw you in her room all you have to do is sign them and your free"

Derek smiled at her "Addison- I'm sorry" He took the papers and the pen that was with them and signed his name in the places needed. He handed them back to Addison

"I'll send them to the lawyer to get them processed."

Derek smiled "Thank you Addison" Derek walked up to Addison gave her a hug and kissed her on the cheek.

Addison whispered "Don't hurt her again and take care of your son"

Derek smiled. "I will. I'm going to go back to New York and get all my stuff. I'll be back by tomorrow"

Derek walked out of the conference room feeling like a new man. On this way to the air port he called his realtor. Lucky for him no one had bought his land yet. He re-bought the land and got on the flight. This was his new beginning.!

**Okay I am extremely excited about this update. It is one of my favorites. I hope you all enjoyed it. PLEASE review! 15 reviews gets an update =]**

**Let me know if you have any ideas you want. I want to thank Televison Lover for the idea's. =]**


	11. Chapter 8

**Okay here's another update! I want to let you all know that Michael is not out of the woods yet. He will be soon but not just yet. On that note I hope you enjoy =]**

It was the day after Meredith and Derek woke up to Meredith's fellow intern, Bailey and Addison watching them in the same bed, and Meredith still hasn't heard from Derek. She was starting to get a little nervous.

Christina was in her room on her lunch break when out of nowhere Meredith said

"Maybe he changed him mind and he doesn't want to be with me, I did tell him that we didn't need him, but I thought" she got cut off my Christina

"Meredith, McAss is obliviously in love with you, even I can see that"

"But where is he?"

Then Christina pager went off. "Got to go Mere I'll be back later"

Meredith just nodded. After Christina left Meredith decided to go to the NICU to see Michael. When she got there she noticed that Michael didn't have tape over his eyes anymore and he was more alert. She smiled down at him. "Hi baby, mommy's here" Meredith took his tiny finger and he took a hold of it. "I love you honey. It's just you and me I won't let anyone hurt you"

Meredith stayed there watching her son as he became more alert. She couldn't help but feel the pull in her heart that her little boy will never know his father. While in thought she noticed Addison was walking her way

"Oh um…hi Addison" Meredith smiled

"Hi. I was just letting you know we turned his oxygen down from 80% to 50%. If he does well the rest of the day and night, tomorrow we will turn it down to 25%"

"Oh Addison I can't thank you enough" Meredith said genuinely

Addison smiled nodded at Meredith and turned to leave

Meredith looked back at Michael and smiled. She was getting tired so she headed back to her room. She should be getting discharger tomorrow.

Derek was sitting on the plane waiting to land in Seattle to start his new life. His new life with Meredith and Michael if she will let him back in. Derek was caught in thought he didn't realize he landed in Seattle until everyone was getting up to go. New York had been easy but hard in the same way. It was hard to tell his mom and sisters that his marriage had failed, but it was easy to pack all his things.

After Derek got his bags he decided to go straight to the hospital, it had only been a day but he was missing Meredith and kept wondering how Michael was doing, he was hoping he was getting better and could go home soon.

When Derek arrived at the hospital he went right to the NICU to check on Michael. After getting sterile he went right over to Michael. He noticed that he was breathing on his own some and he smiled at that. His little boy is a fighter just like his mommy. After spending an hour or so in the NICU he left and went to see Meredith.

Derek was outside Meredith's room when he heard Meredith say "Maybe he doesn't love us, maybe I'm just something to fool around with for him to feel like a good guy"

He then heard Christina say "It doesn't matter Mer" Derek couldn't take it any longer, so he walked in the room.

Meredith looked from Christina to Derek and back to Christina. Mere gave Christina the look to get out. Christina nodded, when she walked past Derek she gave him a dirty look and told him "Don't mess it up" and left the room.

Derek walked over to the bed and sat down. "Do you really think I don't love you and Michael? That your just something I fool around with?"

Meredith just looked at Derek and didn't answer

"Answer me Meredith do you think that?" Derek said strongly but not yelling

Meredith looked him in the eyes and whispered "no"

Derek gave her a soft smile "good because I'm more in love with you now that I have ever been, you and Michael are my world now"

"How do I know you love me and not the idea of me, or that you just doing this because it is the right thing to do?" Meredith said getting more confident

Derek didn't know how to answer that but then he said "Because if I didn't love you I wouldn't have signed the divorce papers gone to new York shipped all of my belongings here and re-bought my land" he said in one breathe

Meredith was shocked, not in a million years was she expecting to hear that Derek did all of that. Derek continued with saying "I love you Meredith, and as I told you the other day and I will tell you until you believe it I made a choice the WRONG choice and I have to live with not being with you all through your pregnancy but I love you and will do anything for you even if that is risking my life" Derek finished and smiled at Meredith.

"Derek- I want- no I need to take things slow, we can't just jump right back in where we left of. I need to be able to trust you again"

Derek shook his head yes and smiled "I understand Meredith, I don't care how long it takes I'll wait for you…as long as it takes"

Derek leaned in and gave Meredith a kiss, not a hot steamy kiss but a kiss that represented how much he loved and needed her. When they needed air they pulled away and smiled at ach other.

Meredith was the first to break the silence "Guesse what? Michael is only on 50% oxygen now and Addison said if he makes it through the night she will turn it down to 25%!" Derek beamed when he heard

"See our little boy is a fighter just like his mother"

Not seconds after Addison came barging into the room.

Derek and Meredith both looked at her in panic.

Derek was first to speak "Addison what's wrong?"

Addison tried to catch her breath "Michael- his breathing has worsened and it looks like due to infection. We are starting him on antibiotics and putting him back up to 100% oxygen. I'm so very sorry"

Meredith then started to break down but rather then alone Derek was holding her whispering soft soothing words in her ears. Derek nodded at Addison and then she disappeared.

**OK guys so a little fluff and a little tragedy. There will be a happy ending I just don't know how long it will take to get to it! Okay please review! 10 reviews and an update =]**

**~Kels =]3**


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